If my lack of posts haven't made it clear, I really have had nothing good to update you all on lately.
I'm not so much quitting the blog but I just haven't been in the spirit lately.
I've been finding that I have such a negative feeling surrounding me on a daily basis and it's really so hard to go on each day with it. I am trying to see the positive in things but there are too many negatives. Friends, Family, Work, Daily Life. It's all overbearing sometimes.
For instance, I am ecstatic for my best friend who recently announced her pregnancy. She's having a baby girl! But I can't help but feel upset knowing that our relationship will change in the future. I personally have no desire (at this point) to have any children, and I worry that her life will be surrounded by poopy diapers, an adorable toothless smiling baby, play dates, and play dates with other mommys. I know this is SO UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH, but I will have to learn how to adjust to this new time in both our lives, her as a mother, me as a girl with a best friend who will be a mother. It's going to be hard.
Family: I don't even have the words for this one right now.
Work: I keep telling myself "if they want to pay me to print emails then so be it!!!!" but I can't help but get pissed off when I come into work with about 30 emails flagged for printing, all with a ridiculous amount of attachments; mostly excel documents that require all the spreadsheet margins to be altered and paper size changed to 11x17. It doesn't sound like much but it gets exhausting after about the 5th email or so. Not to mention this takes up a huge chunk of time during my day, and I do have other priorities to take care of.
Daily Life: We recently had our mantle redone. What you don't know is that it isn't finished. I'm living in a living room which was once beautifully decorated, which now is a barebones room that looks like we just moved in. After Christmas I took everything down, decorations and everyday decor as we were expecting the carpenter to come on that Saturday. I texted him Friday night and asked that we were still on for the AM and that I would have coffee ready for him. He responded that his wife surprised him with tickets to Las Vegas and that he would be here on Monday. Okay, so was he going to tell me this if I hadn't texted him? Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm fuming about this because he came bright and early that Monday and it was done by the end of the day. The painter was supposed to come the following day but he hadn't heard from him. Fast forward to the weekend, and we find out the painter got into a SKI ACCIDENT literally the day before he was supposed to do our paint job (living room, welcome area, huge ass stairwell/hallway). So now, here we are a month later and still no insight as to when this painter will come do everything...including finishing the mantle (all the drill holes, painting it, putting some new dry wall in). It's a mess. And I just have no desire to put everything back up after the amount of time I spent taking it down and storing it away.
I'm finding I'm so lazy with meals, I usually eat the same thing every week. Tacos (chicken or beef), chicken of some sort, eggs, coffee, and I can't even think what the heck else I'm eating.
I haven't been exercising like I wanted to. I tried power walking at the gym and my right ankle is seriously throbbing the moment I step foot on the treadmill. I can't find my stupid bathing suit so I went to Modells and scored a Nike suit on sale for 20.00. I bought what I thought was my size. Apparently it's not. The Nike swim suits have NO stretch to them the way Speedo does. So frustrating.
I find I'm getting so irritated anyone calls me. I don't want to talk. But I can't tell these people I don't want to talk without seeming like I'm a huge bitch. My dad texted me yesterday and I had a friend over for dinner- I didn't respond because quite frankly I find it rude as f*ck to have your cell phone out when you are entertaining friends. Of course said friend had her phone out the entire time but I won't even go there. So then he called me (they are in Florida). "Did you get my text?" "Yes but I have Said Friend over right now" and then proceeds to go on talking to me, I literally said I have to go and hung up. What a freaking bitch am I or what? I just don't want to talk!
While I don't mind being a helpful ear, I can't help but get frustrated how so many people come to me to out their frustrations. I guess if I looked on the positive side, I must be someone they feel comfortable talking to to tell me all their problems. So many times have I had a good story to tell and I never get a word in. Ever. Sometimes I just want to talk to! (Even though that contradicts what I just wrote in the paragraph before).
Confession: I've been away from my husband for 4 nights now, and it's sad that I'm not even head over heels ready to go home. I'm telling you, I have issues here.
What the hell is up?