October 31, 2014

On why I don't give out candy

Call me the Halloween Grinch, or Devil to be more appropriate. But I don't hand out Halloween Candy to trick or treaters.

First and foremost. There are rules when Trick or Treating and they are pretty easy. 5 Simple words. "TRICK OR TREAT" and "THANK YOU!" Any brat that doesn't say that to me, I have said in the past, withholding the candy, "What do you say???" and then they would mumble "trick or treat". I'm sorry you little rotten child, I'm giving you FREE candy, and all you have to do is say those 3 simple words, along with a THANK YOU at the end. How HARD is that to do?

The very first year I offered to come to Michael's house to hand out Halloween Candy. He wouldn't be home from work and I could make it down to the house for the early afternoon crowd. I was a very naive, gungho girl, handing out candy at my boyfriends HOUSE. Like, this was really really cool. I got a box of chip bags (those wise boxes that have doritoes and all those things).  We probably had half of the box left over, aka barely any kids. And the kids that did come just stood there with their bags/pillowcase/candy sacks out looking for me to throw the candy in, without asking! Little runts.

The following year, I had just moved in and we decided to get the big Candy Bars you can buy at Costco/BJ's and for you people who don't know what those stores are, they are "buy in bulk" warehouse where you can get a zillion of everything for a good price.  Costco was offering a coupon if you bought two boxes of the big candy bars you'd get so many dollars off, so I got two of them. As a kid, there was one house that gave these out each year, and I couldn't wait to go there because I was excited for a huge candy bar. But anyway, maybe there were 30 bars or so in total? Well, we were SLAMMED with children AND OLD KIDS. Literally, every single bar I had was gone in about a half hour. I was pissed.  I ran out to the store to get cheap candy. And that went too. What the hell?

My third Halloween at my current residence, those little teeny bopper punks pissed me off so much the year before that I said, "that's it. I'm getting the cheapest shit candy I can find because I hate this holiday and these brats and that's that".  It was a crummy Halloween. I had ZERO KIDS.
Me on November 1st with all my candy left over that I don't eat.

The next year after that, Hurricane Sandy came and Halloween was non existent.

The year I decided to become a grinch.  I felt horrible. However, I made sure to notify families that I would not be participating in Halloween with a single symbol. No porch light. People, you know of this rule right? No light = no candy. But that didn't stop those little punks from knocking, ringing, and peeking in my damn door and side window! I had to HIDE in my backroom. I ate pizza with Michael in the dark. He had to come through our house through the back entrance. It was terrible.

So why do I do it you ask? Well, call me old fashioned, but a little "thank you" goes a long way and honestly, i'm just not seeing it in kids these days. They aren't thankful for this holiday. They just see it as free candy. I guess I am asking too much because November is the "Be Thankful" month if we want to get all technical. Ugh.



  1. I don't give out candy either! Hemi and I hid and watch scary movies or Hocus Pocus.

  2. We don't have any kids in our building so we luck out not having to give candy out - but then again that could just be city living! I sort of feel bad for kids in the city they totally get ripped off on this day!!

  3. I have never handed out candy before, tonight will be my first year. you better believe if they don't say trick or treat i wont give them anything, and if they don't say thank you i will snatch the candy back. i don't even think we'll have any kids, the weather is apparently going to be shocking.

  4. I've only been home to give out candy one year, a few years ago. And at the time I was living with my ex, and a few nights before Halloween some punk ass kids in our complex smashed my pumpkins, so I refused to give them candy.

  5. it's supposed to SNOW tonight WTF. but i hope that keeps all them punk ass kids away! by punk ass i mean the stupid teens who don't have a costume but are in it for the candy. the cute kids in costumes get all the candy

  6. I totally get it. I haven't lived in a place where I'd get trick-or-treaters in years, but from what I know of a lot of kids ~8-13 today — especially in our area — I wouldn't be inclined to give out any either. You're right, a simple "thank you" goes a long way and I don't know why parents don't seem to ingrain that in kids anymore. When I used to nanny, I ALWAYS had my kids say please and thank you, and some of them acted like they'd never heard of the concept before. Anyway, /tangent. I can't believe the kids peeping in your windows though, that's out of control. I would have come to the door with a baseball bat after that haha

  7. Nikki and I can't give out candy because nobody trick or treats in a apartment complex lol. We watched Halloween II and ate popcorn and nachos. That was the highlight of our Halloween.

  8. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! I don't pass anything out for the exact same reason!!! I did once at my sister's years ago but that was the first and only time. WTF is with kids not saying "thank you!"?!?!?! MOTHER FUCKER I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU SHIT! Luckily we live in an apartment and ppl don't really do the candy thing but the first year we moved here I didn't know and I turned off all the lights and hid, too! hahahaha

  9. Amen sista!!! At what point in the past 20-30 years did kids become so rude and void of basic manners? Honestly, I love Halloween but I stopped handing out candy years ago too. Mainly because I had very few kids in my neighborhood leaving me with waaay too much candy which I then ate. But also for the same reason as you. I just got fed up with the rude, non-trick-or-treating-aged 'kids' shoving their buckets in my face.

    Rant over. Thanks for posting this. Made me smile. Not alone!!!


  10. Girl, I don't interact with trick or treaters at all. I put candy in a bowl, stick it on my porch, turn my porch light OFF, and ignore anybody who rings my door bell or knocks on my door.

    I'm happy to be a Halloween grinch with you!

  11. I'm a total Halloween Grinch, too. Maybe if I had a kid, I would change my mind, but I don't want to give my candy to teenagers who aren't even trying!

  12. hahaha! I can totally see your point of view on this. This was actually the first year we have lived somewhere with the potential of little brats ringing the door bell, and I had to work :(. My husband drank margaritas and passed out the full size bags of sour patch kids. He said there were about 50 kids and the last bunch sang him a Halloween carol, he said that group alone will make him do it again next year! So either find Halloween carolers, or drink margaritas is my advice for next year :)