I'm just gonna go and let it all air out today guys.
I'm not having a good day, or week, or month for that matter. Maybe I can even go more debbie-downer on you and say that I'm not having a good year. I wish I could say I'm exaggerating, but I'm not.
Family. The one group of people you can rely on when things go bad...right? No. Not exactly in my book. Right now, I feel like I am so alone (me and my husband) and we have no one to turn to. We've been burned before by our family members (siblings and cousins) and I'm just to the point where I can't give anyone anymore chances. I can say that our parents have been there for us, but I know that in my personal family, I'm the one who's always getting blamed for things when they go wrong.. I'm the baby in the family. It's always easy to point fingers but at what point are people going to man up and admit their wrong-doings?
There is so much going on that I don't even know where to start. A major reason why I've been away from the blog, deleted my old blog and just haven't been around to say much. I'm hurt, and I just don't know what to do. I try so hard to please everyone, and it never gets recognized. Instead, I end up getting shit for things. I have two sister-in-laws from hell, one that is about to be divorced from the family (so sad), and brothers that I don't exactly see eye to eye with.
I've put up with some crazy shit from these two SIL's that I should be awarded for it. Snarky looks, bitchy comments behind my back, make appointments to see my own friggen niece. I've never once felt welcomed in my own BROTHER's home. I get questioned why I'm never around to see my neice, that they want her to get to know her Aunt and Uncle. How is that supposed to happen when they won't work with my schedule, already have plans with HER best friends, or better yet, give me daggers in their eyes every time I do actually show up at the front door? [rant about my brother's wife]
How am I supposed to build a relationship with my new sister in law if she doesn't give me the time of day? I get that she has a busy retail schedule, but on your days off when you know a week in advance, you can't think of connecting with me? My mother in law wants to badly for me and her daughter to be friends. I told her flat out, it just isn't happening. We had a fight at her Uncle's party (really classy, I know. I'm even embarrassed myself) that I later found out she's been mad at me for over a year since my wedding that I "started pictures with out her". Really? I wasn't in charge of the day, my photographers were. You went off because you were pissed about your hair and ended up taking shots and were nowhere to be found. I mean, this girl couldn't think to confront me about this the entire summer after my wedding? No. She let it brew for a good year and blew up on me in February, the month before my 1 year anniversary. [rant about my husband's sister]
Just last night, I got a whole heep of shit from my brother and mom. I was looked at like I was a devious, self-centered sister who has no time for family. I didn't help pack my brother up as they are moving from their house. If I backtrack, we are both wrong. Over the weekend, we ended on the note "text me if you end up wanting the help" "yeah i'll call you", and I never heard boo. Meanwhile, all over facebook it was known that her best friends were helping them all weekend, and her sisters and their husbands. I ended up making plans with an old friend and told my mother the day before and she simply answered with "oh thats nice, i didn't know that you had firmed up the plans with her" and I replied "Yes, we are definatley getting together- we're going to blah blah blah..." and that was that. Needless to say, I got questioned where I was and I said I was going to help" and then my mom tag teamed and asked me the same thing. Are you freaking kidding me? Her answer was that she didn't put two and two together... so I replied, "in other words, you're a HUMAN and FORGOT... just like I did".
What gets me is that my one brother always makes out my actions to be accusatory against him, when that's not the case at all. There is so much I could elaborate on, but at this point I'm sure no one is reading this.
My other brother and sister-in-law are going through a divorce. Words cannot even begin to describe how deeply saddened I am by this. Two poor innocent little girls will probably grow up not knowing their father. But then again, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Someone who once acted as my role model no longer lives up to that. I feel helpless towards her because they live in the middle of the country where I am on the east coast. I can only be there for her via text phone and email. It's just so sad.
I wish I knew how to explain my frustrations better. I'm just to the point where so many things have happened between my husband and I's siblings, that it's not even worth it to try anymore.