Because I'm feeling extra sensitive (thanks pms?) tonight, I'm going to air out some of my grievances.
- I've reached the point in my life where I'm questioning everything. Why am I 28 years old - where did the time go, more specifically, the past 7 years? Have I really been out of college that long? And what do I have to show for it? An administrative assistant position. Four years of college and that's where I'm at? Why don't I have some glamorous job that I can rave about. More importantly, why do I feel the NEED to rave about my job? To make people jealous or envious? That's disgusting.
- I complain about my job everyday, yet I do nothing to change it. I had a few spurts of optimistic behavior when I applied to a couple different jobs and went on interviews, but didn't get the job. It all comes down to three words: Not Enough Experience. Where am I supposed to get that experience?
- Although I am not very Godly, I do (secretly) thank the Lord every single day for my former boss, Carmen. If it weren't for her, where would I be right now? Still taking asshole customer service phone calls at a shitty VoIP company? I remember when I interviewed with her. I was scared shitless because she seemed like such a tough woman, but it was that woman who saw something in me, and knew that I could excel. Thank you Carmen, although I know she'll never see this.
- I sometimes miss my cats more than my husband when I am away from them during the week. Probably because my cats show more love to me than he does. Is that too much, too soon to let everyone know? My life isn't perfect...nobody's is.
- I like things that I can't afford and it pains me. Whenever I go shopping, if I see something I like, I immediately look at the price tag, wondering if I can afford to buy said-item. Or what could I sacrifice that week in order to have it? I've come to the conclusion that I am a borderline shop-aholic. Today I returned three items that I bought just for the hell of it because it temporarily made me happy. Honestly, did I need that gold nailpolish? No. I bought two sweaters yesterday at NY&C just because they were only $15.00 each. Did I need them? And for work? No. I have SO many work clothes. I have to learn to say no to these objects. I am starting to believe the quote: "Money can't buy happiness".
- I have a constant battle with myself on why I am not happy. I should be happy that I have a job, even if it sucks. I should be happy I have a nice home, and a husband who loves me. And two cats that I can take care of. Love is all you need, right? But yet, I find myself struggling to see the positive in things. I really am a "glass is half empty person". In 2014, I will work on becoming "the glass is half full" person that I know I can be.
- I am 28 and still have no desire to have kids, nor do I see that changing in the future. I feel like I am letting so many people down. My husband, my family, his family. I feel like they are all looking at me wondering what is wrong with me. Personally, there are some other reasons I don't care to share on a big part on why I don't want kids. Something that I will never reveal. But another part is that I have a fear of becoming pregnant and growing. I can't even deal with PMS cramps, how am I going to carry a child? I know that parents say things like "it will change when you have your own" but no, I honestly don't believe it. I just don't like children. They are annoying and I live paycheck to paycheck. How could I put myself through the misery of having to spend on another human being that is going to DEPEND on ME to take care of? That's not fair to the child either...because I would want to be able to give, give, give and I know I wouldn't be able to do that. And as selfish as this sounds, I would have to give up A LOT and well, become selfless. (I'm sorry if that sounds really awful and you don't like it)
- Why am I living paycheck to paycheck? My husband and I both have very well paid jobs yet we find ourselves struggling every month. If it's not our refrigerator breaking, it's the washing machine. Or the garage door. My macbook crashing. Or the new door handles we've been needing since we moved in...or having the walls painted because I'm literally incapable of doing it myself because the ceilings are so high. It's always something! (And yes I know I just re-did my 2nd bedroom, and we are getting a new mantle and TV mounted in the living room, but I see these as necessary improvements to my home).
- I sometimes want to take my blog public, but have a huge fear of my parents finding it and coming down hard on me about sharing "so much information". I personally don't think I'm sharing that much information but they are so extremely old-school when it comes to the internet, and facebook...and "anyone can just look you up and find out what you did last weekend" or whatever else they come up with.
- I often am in a rotten mood...wait for it...because of acne. I am a 28 year old female living with acne and it is so frustrating. Thank goodness it's not really on my face (knock on wood) but I have it so bad on my chest and back shoulders. I'm very sensitive about it and I've tried all kinds of ailments yet nothing works. I read somewhere that your skin changes every 7 years so maybe that's what I am going through.
So, there you have it. That's what's been on my mind lately. If you made it through, thanks for reading along. If you dropped off along the way, then I'll see you next time around.
And in the words of Celine Dion: "Don't surrender, cause you can win, in this thing called