December 22, 2013

Never underestimate the power of a bath

...and Celine Dion on a Sunday night to get your mind wandering.

Because I'm feeling extra sensitive (thanks pms?) tonight, I'm going to air out some of my grievances.

- I've reached the point in my life where I'm questioning everything.  Why am I 28 years old - where did the time go, more specifically, the past 7 years? Have I really been out of college that long?  And what do I have to show for it? An administrative assistant position. Four years of college and that's where I'm at? Why don't I have some glamorous job that I can rave about. More importantly, why do I feel the NEED to rave about my job? To make people jealous or envious? That's disgusting.

- I complain about my job everyday, yet I do nothing to change it.  I had a few spurts of optimistic behavior when I applied to a couple different jobs and went on interviews, but didn't get the job.  It all comes down to three words: Not Enough Experience. Where am I supposed to get that experience?

- Although I am not very Godly, I do (secretly) thank the Lord every single day for my former boss, Carmen.  If it weren't for her, where would I be right now? Still taking asshole customer service phone calls at a shitty VoIP company? I remember when I interviewed with her.  I was scared shitless because she seemed like such a tough woman, but it was that woman who saw something in me, and knew that I could excel.  Thank you Carmen, although I know she'll never see this.

- I sometimes miss my cats more than my husband when I am away from them during the week.  Probably because my cats show more love to me than he does.  Is that too much, too soon to let everyone know? My life isn't perfect...nobody's is.

- I like things that I can't afford and it pains me.  Whenever I go shopping, if I see something I like, I immediately look at the price tag, wondering if I can afford to buy said-item. Or what could I sacrifice that week in order to have it?  I've come to the conclusion that I am a borderline shop-aholic. Today I returned three items that I bought just for the hell of it because it temporarily made me happy.  Honestly, did I need that gold nailpolish? No. I bought two sweaters yesterday at NY&C just because they were only $15.00 each. Did I need them? And for work? No. I have SO many work clothes. I have to learn to say no to these objects.  I am starting to believe the quote: "Money can't buy happiness".

- I have a constant battle with myself on why I am not happy.  I should be happy that I have a job, even if it sucks. I should be happy I have a nice home, and a husband who loves me. And two cats that I can take care of. Love is all you need, right? But yet, I find myself struggling to see the positive in things. I really am a "glass is half empty person". In 2014, I will work on becoming "the glass is half full" person that I know I can be.

- I am 28 and still have no desire to have kids, nor do I see that changing in the future.  I feel like I am letting so many people down. My husband, my family, his family.  I feel like they are all looking at me wondering what is wrong with me.  Personally, there are some other reasons I don't care to share on a big part on why I don't want kids.  Something that I will never reveal.  But another part is that I have a fear of becoming pregnant and growing.  I can't even deal with PMS cramps, how am I going to carry a child?  I know that parents say things like "it will change when you have your own" but no, I honestly don't believe it.  I just don't like children.  They are annoying and I live paycheck to paycheck.  How could I put myself through the misery of having to spend on another human being that is going to DEPEND on ME to take care of? That's not fair to the child either...because I would want to be able to give, give, give and I know I wouldn't be able to do that. And as selfish as this sounds, I would have to give up A LOT and well, become selfless. (I'm sorry if that sounds really awful and you don't like it)

- Why am I living paycheck to paycheck? My husband and I both have very well paid jobs yet we find ourselves struggling every month.  If it's not our refrigerator breaking, it's the washing machine. Or the garage door.  My macbook crashing. Or the new door handles we've been needing since we moved in...or having the walls painted because I'm literally incapable of doing it myself because the ceilings are so high.  It's always something! (And yes I know I just re-did my 2nd bedroom, and we are getting a new mantle and TV mounted in the living room, but I see these as necessary improvements to my home).

- I sometimes want to take my blog public, but have a huge fear of my parents finding it and coming down hard on me about sharing "so much information".  I personally don't think I'm sharing that much information but they are so extremely old-school when it comes to the internet, and facebook...and "anyone can just look you up and find out what you did last weekend" or whatever else they come up with.

- I often am in a rotten mood...wait for it...because of acne. I am a 28 year old female living with acne and it is so frustrating.  Thank goodness it's not really on my face (knock on wood) but I have it so bad on my chest and back shoulders. I'm very sensitive about it and I've tried all kinds of ailments yet nothing works.  I read somewhere that your skin changes every 7 years so maybe that's what I am going through.

So, there you have it.  That's what's been on my mind lately.  If you made it through, thanks for reading along.  If you dropped off along the way, then I'll see you next time around.

And in the words of Celine Dion: "Don't surrender, cause you can win, in this thing called love life"


  1. Love that you quoted Celine Dion! Ugh I hope everything gets better for you! I have had terrible skin lately though, apparently I have rosacea on my chin now so that's cute, and it won't go away even with the 3 meds the doctor has me on. I hope that 7 year thing is true because then maybe it won't last my whole life haha

  2. I have all of the same thoughts about my job. It's difficult to be in that situation, because people keep telling you to just try to change it...but it's not just something that can be easily changed.

    I'm feeling the same way about kids at this point in my life. I love children, but I'm not sure exactly that they are something I'm meant to have. My mom would probably cry if I told her this.

    Life is tough, but keep your chin up! :)

  3. I get like this a lot too. About my job, about being single, about having kids... You are not alone! Hopefully we can both be more "glass half full" people in 2014!!

  4. I am a glass half empty person also. Always have been. Im not a downer I just am not a bubbly "nothing is wrong" person, either.

    It's okay to not want kids, it's your body, your time, and your money. Although people make it out to be a "must", it IS a decision. And plenty of children that are brought into this works don't need to be, so kudos to people who make the choice to not be a parent if they have doubts. Well I'm sure you know how I feel since I have this on the Blog.

    I have breakouts too but I have them under control right now. Let's email and chat products, k??

  5. my glass has been half empty for awhile - i should really be thankful for everything I HAVE, yet I keep hating life because of the things I don't have. Ugh....

    here's to PMS.

  6. We must be twins because of the following:
    Celine Dion and baths = winning
    Where I am in career = DITTO
    I also miss my dog more than hubs because of the same reason. Amen to lives NOT being perfect.
    I am 30 and hubs and I have made the decision to start trying... but we live in a 2 bedroom apt... don't have money saved up for a house and I am scared shitless of being pregnant and then having to instill values and morals to a child. WTF.
    I deal with acne on my face coupled with rosacea.... it's HORRIBLE.

    I totally feel ya on this whole blog post and just so glad that someone out there writes it as it is. It's nice to know that I'm not the only blogger who lives a non perfect life and struggles with daily stuff.

  7. Wow, so many things I can relate with!!!
    Missing cats more because lack of intimacy with husband... check
    Adult acne... check
    Living paycheck to paycheck... check

    Thanks for sharing the downs of your life not just ups, I think that takes a lot of courage. I wish I could do that with my blog but unfortunately all the people in my real life know about it so it would be weird to write about stuff but not talk to them about it... Keep the blog away from family! Let's you be more "real"...

  8. This is such a great post! I can relate to a lot of these things. I find that I always think about the negative rather than the positive. I use to be such a positive person, I don't know what happened. I also have acne, and I'm 27, I thought I was over that by now, guess I'll have it forever, and it's SO frustrating. I keep blaming it on stress.

    I wish up a happy new year, with many changes! :)

  9. first of all, thanks SO MUCH for your tweet on my post about the comments :)

    regarding the acne - if it's a sudden thing, it's likely hormones. every 5-7yrs, your body goes through a major hormonal change and the first thing to give you the finger is your skin. also, as you age, your body begins to really feel the negative effects of 'bad' food (all the processed stuff). my skin was so awful (i have dry, sensitive skin) and i spent thousands of dollars to try and fix it but then when i overhauled my diet and cut out all the crap, my skin did a 180! whoda thunk that i didn't need to spend all that money but just eat better?!

    Vodka and Soda