June 17, 2014

a post about sloppy joe.

Sloppy Joe as in the food, not the man.

First and foremost, for those of you who have been around since The LO Down, I apologize in advance if you've read this.  So, I deleted that blog and all of its contents back when I created the Peanut Program.  (Stupid. My writing was seriously hilar) and I was trying to tidy up my home computer last night and came across this (what I thought was funny) post about my day and eating Sloppy Joes.

Here we go: This post was written December 20, 2012. So it was highly likely it was posted to the LO Down.  As I mentioned before, sorry if you read this...but now I have a new crowd around these parts so let's give them a taste of good old sourpuss Lauren from 2012. (Oh, for some reason the entire post is in lowercase. Please forgive me, I don't write that way!)

Title: I just wanted to eat my sloppy joe.

So I'm on my merry way home from work, when a local NJ radio station brings up the topic "do you give a courtesy wave when someone let's you in/go during traffic?" oh you bet you bottom dollar i called in.  did i get through? no, i didn't. so naturally i had steam coming out of my ears, because i myself at that very moment let someone in, on the parkway of course, and i did NOT GET A WAVE. Yes!! This IRKS the SHIZNAT out of me. i mean for real, doesn't anyone have manners anymore? anyway, the majority of people agreed that they give the "wave", but did you really expect to hear some fool phone in saying they don't do that?

Reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld: The Good Samaritan. ha.
"Oh there’s a guy trying to get in front of me, he has to ask permission. Yes. Go ahead. Get in, get in."
"Did you get a thank you wave?"
"No, nothing. How could you not give a thank you wave? Hey buddy! Where’s my thank you wave?……Give me that wave!"

Anyway, I made it home and was so very excited to have my left over sloppy joe for dinner.  I was practically thinking about it all day long in work. I opted not to bring for lunch, as i figured re-heating on the actual stove vs. the microwave would make it 100x better.  
first, i go in the fridge, and notice the roll i had out yesterday is gone. it now resides in the garbage. (thanks, M!)

thats OK i GUESS, because i know i have more rolls in the freezer.  so i go to the freezer, and pull out the rolls.  the first one i pick has mold on it. great. i thoroughly inspect all of the other rolls, and 3 out of 5 have mold on them.  when the hell did this happen? they were in the freezer. how did they get mold spots? so i was left with the two reject rolls that would have been my last choice.

i pop them in the microwave under "reheat" setting. rookie mistake. i let it go for a good minute, but i thought if its on the reheat setting, it wouldn't be as powerful and hot.  wrong.  i got them out of the microwave and those stupid rolls were like rubber balls. i then decided maybe i could maybe make them less rubbery, but putting them in the oven. so thats just what i did.

now while they were un-rubberizing themselves in the oven, i heated up the sloppy joe. and boy was it delish.

finally the rolls are crisping up and i decided it is about time to take them out and eat. my tongue was practically hanging out of my mouth salivating at this point. i grabbed some chips and loaded them up on my plate, sliced open the two rolls and scooped in my sloppy joe. great! i'm so excited!

next, instead of sitting at the dinner table, like i probably should have done, i went into the back room and decided to use a little wooden folding side table (i purchased it in walmart for like $10.00). now, keep in mind, i already had the plate in my hand, and i'm not sure why i did this but i put the plate on this table and attempted to move it to be infront of me as i sat on the couch. what happened? the stupid ass table leg (its like a criss-cross underneath that slides) slipped, and the entire table fell AWAY from me. the sloppy joe went a-sliding right off the table, right ONTO THE CARPET. SLOPPY JOE. ON THE CARPET. "F--K!" i screamed on the top of my lungs.  i'm pretty sure my neighbors heard me but at this point i don't care. so really, orange, ground beef, in my carpet. if that's not disgusting, i don't know what is.

my damn cats decided they wanted to walk THROUGH the mess and track it over various places on the floor. i tried picking up the pieces as best as i could. in this process, i got sloppy joe knee prints, and orange grease on my hands. what the hell, right? all i wanted was this g-d damn sloppy joe. i ended up still having the steamer that my mother in law let me borrow (from when i steamed the carpets for the party in the beginning of the month).  it didn't help, so long story short, my back room now smells like sloppy joe + there is a big orange stain on the ugly rug.

and to top things off, i burnt my popcorn. not the burnt popcorn that i like, but literally black inside the bag.

yay :)

Please pretend to like this story because I honestly find it so silly.  I just love how irritated I get over the dumbest things. But in my defense, this was so the opposite of dumb and totally frustrating.  At least a year and a half later I can laugh about it :)

P.S. That rug is long gone by the way, many wine and beer spills.  What can I say, that room in the back is for rowdy gatherings.


  1. Well that story is just too much!! I've definitely had that happen to me on more than one occasion - and as for the courtesy wave - makes me angry every time!!

  2. I had a similar situation with one of those tables only it was barbeque sauce on the white dog and white carpet. Fun times!

  3. Hey Lauren!! Omggg that sounds terrible!! I love sloppy joes but they're just so darn sloppy lol!!


  4. hahahahahaha girl I feel your pain..... I pretty much drop everything especially when cooking....I really need a dog to clean up all those floor messes for me ;)

  5. Bahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahha... this is awesome - I definitely would've been shouting obscenities, too! A moth once flew right into my hot cheese dip and I picked him off and ate it anyway. Gross, right? But you can't go wasting cheese b/c some fucking bug had a death wish!