longest weekend recap EVER

You know when you have a weekend planned down to the T and it ends up going NOTHING like the way you imagined it? Yeah, that was me this weekend. And please put on your patient pants because this is long.

Let me backtrack to last weekend when I went shopping at Costco and got suckered in to buying pulled pork carnitas from a complete stranger. A shopper stranger, not even an employee. And she suckered me into getting individual cups of guacamole, but it wasn't just regular guac, it was "greek yogurt guacamole" and I had my reservations about buying a 12 pack for $10 dollars but I did it anyway because I'm a #sucker (and she was following me around helping me find the stuff).  So fast forward a little to mid week when I wanted to eat this stuff everyday but Mike kept declining saying that he wanted to eat healthy, or he was going to the gym, or he had a work volleyball game and wouldn't be home. So then I just said that's IT. We are eating these stupid pork carnitas on Friday and that's that. By the way, they were amazing, and I would NEVER again buy the guacamole. EW.

Well Friday at noon rolled around and I got my ass out of my chair so quick at work to get on the parkway to go home.  I always have high expectations for Friday afternoons being I'm home by 12:50pm and I have the entire afternoon to myself.  But then I take one seat on the couch and I end up laying there for 3 hours with Netflix (currently watching Drop Dead Diva in case you were wondering).  So that basically turns into me being a lazy ass bum who doesn't want to cook dinner.  Making tacos sounded like too much work to me, even though they just required 7 minutes on high in the microwave.  But we all know tacos don't just include meat preparation.  They included chopped lettuce, pico de gallo, shredded cheese, and the torturous job of heating up the shells. So that just wasn't happening.

So after about 5 phone calls, we decided that we would go out to dinner, pack lunch for the Cape May Zoo, and then have the carnitas for dinner on Saturday.

That sounded like a good plan to me!

We went to dinner at Bahama Breeze.  Mike really twisted my arm but the thought of Mahi Mahi fish tacos was really calling my name so I said why not?  I'm kinda against bahama breeze and most chains for that matter.  I like more of a cutesy place, or applebees for 1/2 price apps and that's it.  Well, I got the mahi mahi and they were pretty good.  I would say a solid 7.5 out of 10.  They missed the mark because whoever put them together decided that it was totally normal to NOT drain the slaw that came with them so they were a big sloppy mess and I'm a messy eater as it is so FAIL.  Whatever, we went home and stayed up late watching a Jaws 2 and honestly Brody seriously must have balls of steel because who in their right mind would do this:

So Saturday rolls around and it's now 8:30am, 30 minutes PAST our departure time for the Zoo.  I asked Mike if we were going, and he said "Tomorrow". FINE. Tomorrow it is. If you don't go I'm going to be pissed. So he went to his Gpa's to help him in the back yard while I sat at our pool and did a little bit of this:

And then went to Old Navy to score two pairs of running shorts for $10.00 (cloudy sky and cloudy white). Did anyone else see they had them on sale for one day only at $5 each?? I'm so happy!

So I went to bed around 11pm or so, and around 2:30am I woke up to the most RIDICULOUS, CRAZY, INSANE explosive bomb sound.  I woke up in a panic, my heart was racing and my eyes were darting around like crazy. I sat up in the dark for a few minutes before I could figure out that I was okay.  Peanut was sound alseep next to me on Mike's pillow and Mike was in the other room (poor guy didn't want to disturb miss Peanut). He was sound asleep. So what the heck was that? Well, of course I decided to turn to trusty google and search "i heard an explosive bomb noise while sleeping but nothing happened". This result came up: Loud crash at 3 a.m.? Well apparently it could be Explosive Head Syndrome. I'm going to play Dr. Doogie Howser and diagnose myself with it.  Seriously, it was so scary.

So now - - Ask me if I went to the Zoo on Sunday??

that would be a big Fat NO. N-O. NO.

Insert every pissed off word imaginable here. and a sleeping husband (because the Rangers hockey game was on so long boo-hoooo). So, I was pissed and decided I was going to replace my screen door to my deck.  I measured the piece of shit that was up there and then went to Lowe's and got a replacement.  By this time (11am) I'm getting the "where are you?" phone call from him.  I got home, and we took off the original screen door and attempted to put the new one on. Well would you believe it was about 1 inch SHORT. As in, I couldn't use it, and had to return it BACK to Lowe's.  I sent Mike to do it because honestly I hate returning things.  So while he's doing that I'm attempting to get our original screen door back on, at this point its like 1000 degrees outside and I'm sweating and getting pissed.  Neighbor Dave decides he will help me (thank you so much!!) and all is well.  So I was still furious from not going to the Zoo, the door not being the right size, and unable to put the original back on, so I took out my frustrations on the bushes on the sides of the house.  I chopped them up so much because they were pissing me off. They look so much better now and aren't engulfing the entire side of the house (there are two of these monstrosities).

So while the majority of the weekend was a major pain in my ass, I scored some running shorts at a great deal, actually went to the gym all 3 days, got some lounge time by the pool (and a tan to go with it), and cleaned up the house.  I guess I can't complain too much, I'm actually looking forward to next next weekend when I can do this all over again (the pool lounging)...except this time I'm going to make sure to have some adult beverages with me because apparently, it is TOTALLY allowed in our complex! SCORE.

OH. PS My mother sent me this alarming video warning me not to use this kind of mascara... So just to be on the safe side, try to find a different mascara if you are using Covergirl Bombshell volume lashblast!