May 22, 2014

I'm getting serious

Originally for today, I had figured on recapping the excursion we took in St. Lucia.  But yesterday happened and I just have to talk about it.

First though, I saw Neighbors last night with a friend. Oh my gosh, was it SO funny!! Of course I love any movie with Zac Efron, but Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne really made the movie! And can we just talk about how HANDSOME this man is?


Anyyyyway. Let's get for real now.

I think I've talked about babies on this blog before, touched on here & here  Specifically that I'm really not sure that I want babies. They are expensive, they poop and barf, cry, bite, never let you sleep. My list can go on and on. But something maybe changed my outlook yesterday evening.

I got home, and caught up with my mom. I stay with my parents during the week to avoid a long commute.  I haven't talked much with her for about 2 weeks since I was on vacation and she just came back from one. Of course the first thing we talked about was the Revenge finale. I mean, oh my GOD. Did anyone see it, and how CRAZY was it?  Then we moved on to more serious things, like my dad. And his shitty attitude and outlook on life.  And how she just drove 600 miles with him and he didn't say a word to her the entire trip home. What the F? This is where I get my negativity from. Him.  It's very hard to control but he's just out of control.  She doesn't deserve his attitude.  Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent.

So, if its not my dad's shitty attitude, it's my one brother who upsets her, or my other one and his wife (they live locally, the other one doesn't).  My local brother is having a Memorial Day Weekend BBQ in their new home (they moved in last August).  My mom said, according to them it's just a small "friends" gathering.  Well of course I was invited and told her about it earlier in the week and she got upset.  Then last night she told me "is it really hard to cook 3 friggen hamburgers on the grill. I don't know. I just don't care about it anymore". She's so upset and has every right to be.  This isn't the first time they've done this.  They've had multiple parties (Memorial Day Weekend, 4th of July, Christmas) all for friends but none of our family was included. My parents live 15 minutes away from them.  Why is it so freaking hard for them to include my parents? My mom is the sweetest woman you could ever father, okay he's grumpy I get it.  But anyway, so they have a daughter, my niece who I RARELY see.  Same goes for my parents, but when they need my mom to babysit they call in the drop of a hat.  And my mom does it, because she just wants to spend any chance she gets with the little munchkin (who by the way is freaking ADORABLE).

My other brother who lives across country has two daughters, and for obvious reasons we see them about 1x a year.  So between the far away granddaughters and the 15 minutes away with stupid parents granddaughter, my mom has NO relationships to brag about.  I am sad for her.  She deserves to have a grandchild that she can see without restrictions.

Which puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on me.  Just saying.

But I want my mother to be able to have a grandchild who she really knows. Who she can see change on a monthly or even weekly basis.  Who she can spoil and want to play with every weekend even if it's for a short amount of time.  A grandchild that she will be able to take to the park, or feed snacks to without being reprimanded.  She deserves it. And I really want to be able to do this for her.

I think in my near future, it will be something that's going to happen.  Of course my husband will be ecstatic as well, as he loves children.  It's time for me to grow up and be part of the miracle of life.  I know that when you plan to have a baby, you need to be able to do it for YOU, but my relationships with my mother & husband are so important to me, and I know that in time, I will be able to accept a baby in my life, after all I'll have 9 months to get ready.

Have you ever questioned wanting to have children? Or was there something that made you want to have them other than yourself?


  1. aww this makes me want to give your mom a hug. give her one for me.
    as i was reading, i was gonna say something like "have a kid for you not for your mom" but then you mentioned that thought so i know you already know :)
    one of my very early posts was about not ever wanting kids. and i still feel that way but there are times when i really want to be a mom and carry a child but then i think about everything that comes with it (especially financially!) and then i'm like nah, i'm good. i really don't know what will happen with me having kids, i've been contemplating doing a part 2 of that post just to update my current feelings and confusion on it.
    anyhow, you will know when it's time. just don't push the time to please someone else <3

  2. one day, your brother will regret not being close with his mom or allowing her to be closer to his daughter. something must be going on for him to put such distance. your poor mom :(

    that said, you "just know". i know that's so cliche but it's true. for a long time, i held off having kids for the same reasons as you - i liked my ME time and didn't want to have to deal with any of that jazz. my sister was on her 2nd kid and the day he was born and i held him, something in my mind (or heart?) just clicked and i was interested in having kids.

    whether you want to or not - that's purely your choice. don't do it for anyone but yourself/your husband because in the end, it's YOU guys who will have to raise the child and raising kids is tough. it's the most amazing thing and i can't even begin to describe the love you have for your child but it is hard - financially and emotionally...that's just the reality of it. would i give it up? NO FREAKING WAY. do i regret it? NO FREAKING WAY. i can't imagine my life without kayla!!

  3. Hey Lauren! That's pretty freakin' sad.. :( I feel so bad for your mom! No invites? Only Friends? AND they live 15 mins away?? There's really no excuse for that at all. And btw, 600 miles is a pretty freakin long time to drive and that's pretty terrible he didn't say a word. Hopefully, some kind of conclusion is reached soon. Sorry that happened.. :(

    Try to have a great weekend girl!! Mom included!!

  4. Wow. I really feel for your mom. She reminds me of my own. My stepdad is a piece of work and is THE most negative person ever. And then my brother is just a pain in the ass 16 y.o who thinks he knows all and can do whatever he pleases. Add to that that she has my niece to look after along with her FT job - I'm just waiting for a phone call saying she's snapped.

    Your brother (the close one) sounds like an ass. That's pretty rude not to at least extend an invitation to them. I don't understand what the big deal is? Invite them.

    As for the having kids thing, I totally get it. I've always been on the fence. If I have them, ok. If not, still ok. Although now, I kind of feel like I need to because otherwise my niece may never have a cousin. And that just makes me sad. It's bad enough she'll never have a sibling.