Originally for today, I had figured on recapping the excursion we took in St. Lucia. But yesterday happened and I just have to talk about it.
First though, I saw Neighbors last night with a friend. Oh my gosh, was it SO funny!! Of course I love any movie with Zac Efron, but Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne really made the movie! And can we just talk about how HANDSOME this man is?
Anyyyyway. Let's get for real now.
I think I've talked about babies on this blog before, touched on here & here Specifically that I'm really not sure that I want babies. They are expensive, they poop and barf, cry, bite, never let you sleep. My list can go on and on. But something maybe changed my outlook yesterday evening.
I got home, and caught up with my mom. I stay with my parents during the week to avoid a long commute. I haven't talked much with her for about 2 weeks since I was on vacation and she just came back from one. Of course the first thing we talked about was the Revenge finale. I mean, oh my GOD. Did anyone see it, and how CRAZY was it? Then we moved on to more serious things, like my dad. And his shitty attitude and outlook on life. And how she just drove 600 miles with him and he didn't say a word to her the entire trip home. What the F? This is where I get my negativity from. Him. It's very hard to control but he's just out of control. She doesn't deserve his attitude. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent.
So, if its not my dad's shitty attitude, it's my one brother who upsets her, or my other one and his wife (they live locally, the other one doesn't). My local brother is having a Memorial Day Weekend BBQ in their new home (they moved in last August). My mom said, according to them it's just a small "friends" gathering. Well of course I was invited and told her about it earlier in the week and she got upset. Then last night she told me "is it really hard to cook 3 friggen hamburgers on the grill. I don't know. I just don't care about it anymore". She's so upset and has every right to be. This isn't the first time they've done this. They've had multiple parties (Memorial Day Weekend, 4th of July, Christmas) all for friends but none of our family was included. My parents live 15 minutes away from them. Why is it so freaking hard for them to include my parents? My mom is the sweetest woman you could ever meet...my father, okay he's grumpy I get it. But anyway, so they have a daughter, my niece who I RARELY see. Same goes for my parents, but when they need my mom to babysit they call in the drop of a hat. And my mom does it, because she just wants to spend any chance she gets with the little munchkin (who by the way is freaking ADORABLE).
My other brother who lives across country has two daughters, and for obvious reasons we see them about 1x a year. So between the far away granddaughters and the 15 minutes away with stupid parents granddaughter, my mom has NO relationships to brag about. I am sad for her. She deserves to have a grandchild that she can see without restrictions.
Which puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on me. Just saying.
But I want my mother to be able to have a grandchild who she really knows. Who she can see change on a monthly or even weekly basis. Who she can spoil and want to play with every weekend even if it's for a short amount of time. A grandchild that she will be able to take to the park, or feed snacks to without being reprimanded. She deserves it. And I really want to be able to do this for her.
I think in my near future, it will be something that's going to happen. Of course my husband will be ecstatic as well, as he loves children. It's time for me to grow up and be part of the miracle of life. I know that when you plan to have a baby, you need to be able to do it for YOU, but my relationships with my mother & husband are so important to me, and I know that in time, I will be able to accept a baby in my life, after all I'll have 9 months to get ready.
Have you ever questioned wanting to have children? Or was there something that made you want to have them other than yourself?